One Pranayama at a Time. . .

No! No! No! Please, not another Warrior II Flow, as she kicked and screamed her way up 4 flights of stairs to the studio. I can't do it!

"Ahh," said the 20-year old guru. "Use your mind. Control your mind. Asanas are 10% body and 90% mind.”

And so it was. . . Another day closer to graduation. 🙏🏻

After beating myself up for over a week, I finally gave up. The first week of class I was working with a short strap, pulling it overhead and down the back with straight arms. The strap was apparently too short and I heard my right arm make a popping sound before I adjusted it to a larger width. I didn’t really notice any pain because it happened during Saturday evening asana class, and Sunday was our day off. 

Monday morning the arm was aching but I continued on with practice. As the week progressed, the pain got worse and the instructor offered some acupressure that was indeed painful on the forearm pressure points, but nevertheless seemed to help—onward and upward was the plan. The teacher training is rigorous with 4.5 hours of daily asana classes, spilt into two sessions. Some days were better than others for me, depending on the required poses but the catarunga flow transition was a killer but I continued, often skipping over that part—feeling like a wimp. My theory was if I ignored the pain, it would go away. I refused to acknowledge it although it would often wake me up at night if I laid in a particular position.

Yesterday in early morning astanga class my arm totally gave out, screaming at me: NO MORE! I had no choice but to acknowledge the tingling feeling followed by a weakness of barely being able to raise my arm. Shit, I can’t believe this, was my first thought. How can I be at yoga training and have an arm injury that will keep me from doing most poses? The message here was loud and clear, but I had been denying it for nearly 10 days: Pay Attention to Your Body—the mantra stressed daily in our training. 

And then it occurred to me, our discussion in philosophy class—remain impartial and merely observe a situation without judgment. I had been feeling inadequate as a yogi and had ignored what my body was telling me. I had been reacting with my ego and the pain was not going away, it was getting worse. By impartially observing and accepting it as what is, I was able to understand that my body had been sending me a message but, I was not listening so it was speaking louder. It was time to honor this unique body and rest the arm. Accepting without a judgement of being a weaker or lesser person, was a lesson learned.  

Understanding came at a time it was needed. I took the night off, explaining to my instructor that I may wish to see a doctor, and it was okay. I have spent the day attending my philosophy, anatomy and teaching methodology classes, and resting my body, guilt-free, during asana classes. My arm is feeling much better but still can’t be rotated without pain. I understand that rest needs to continue for a few days, and I may see a doctor for an evaluation or healing treatments. Once I acknowledged this, I am once again feeling good. 

The training is a flow of peaks and valleys—one day of feeling great and the next day feeling totally inadequate. This is all part of the transformational process. Again, it is important to view situations from an impartial place. “Please don’t accept what I say, please don’t reject what I say. Hold on to it, Observe it,” a mantra from philosophy class that is now a part of me. This truly incredible journey is transforming my life forever—one pranayama at a time. 

"Real knowledge is found not in knowing, but rather in being!”

Namasté