Like Rolling Stones

Angry Clouds

Torrential rains, gusty winds and power outages; is it only September? There has been pouring rain in Homer for days maybe weeks, I have lost track. Occasionally a sunny morning or afternoon, but the rest of the time, Rain with a capital R. Nothing like a houseful of wet dogs to make you smile, It’s pretty bad when they go to the door, peer outside and quickly return to their comfy beds. When I force the issue they tiptoe around the yard finding the perfect spot to relieve their bladders and scurry back to the door. Forget #2, they can hold it for hours.

Driveway Puddles

One has to wonder the reason this is happening and take it a bit personal. Of course I am the only one affected. Is Alaska trying to endear me to her? Is this a joke? Am I being forced to make the move I have talked about for ten years? How about on a spiritual level, what could be made of this horrific weather so early in the season? Do I have to get totally miserable before I get the hell out of here for the winter? It's less than a month when the dogs and I hightail it for sun somewhere in the lower 48, assuming of course this land is not completely flooded and we get stuck. That being the case I would be forced to throw myself over the edge of something.

Of course plans are sketchy. Actually they are not, and that’s what freaks me out. I have purchased a van to get us there, I have rented a 6-bedroom, 4-bath house for a year that will need to be furnished, and I have dogsitters arriving to take over TBTB Dog Camp October 17^th. All of this is in the works, but I have yet to pay for anything. It’s the C word again. And Commitment scares the shit out of me.

The van is in Kenai and I have committed to buying it once I get someone to drive me the 75 miles to pick it up and pay the cash. I put an ad on the Facebook classified page and I have advertised on the NPR ride line. So, far there has been no response. Is this a sign? I’m forever looking for hidden messages that change my plans.

I have a lease to sign for the house. The landlord has agreed to all SIX dogs and allowing me to sublet the additional bedrooms and even open a yoga studio and/or a B&B for humans with their dogs if I so desire. The house is located in the historical district of Hendersonville, North Carolina and is zoned commercial. I have friends there. Why hesitate? Probably because it seems so simple, every thing is falling into place. Isn’t that a sign that this is what I should do?

The hesitation is about MONEY or so I like to think. If I sold a house I would go for this without a second thought. As it is, I am operating on my savings that is well, not much. But I have had $$’s in the bank before and I’m just as indecisive then, maybe more so. Plus I have traveled across the country with far less money than I have now.

The reason I am writing about this is to gain clarity in my own head. Ha!

My options as I see them are really unlimited. I could:

1.        Get on with said plans and make everything simple – STOP questioning every decision I make.

2.       Chuck it all and go to California and live, as I have always wanted to do. The downside of that is the expense of living there. North Carolina is much more affordable, but is it as much fun? How will I be in the south? I grew up in West Virginia and couldn’t wait to go west. But I have been assured that the Asheville area is to North Carolina what Austin is to Texas. It’s not anything like being in North Carolina.

3.       Buy a Toyota motor home and travel for the winter with my house on my back so to speak. The downside of that scenario is I have done it before and although it is a wonderful vacation, when I return to Alaska in the spring I still have not resolved the issue of wanting to make my home base somewhere other than Homer; becoming a true snowbird not just a vacationing one.

4.       Stop delaying my long-term plans and go to Provence. The downside of that is I need to sell a condo before I can go to France. The expense of getting us there would mean staying for at least a year.

5.       Fly off to Maui with 6 dogs and spend the winter on the beach enjoying all things Hawaiian. However, I don’t really think it’s a dog friendly place and rents are very expensive.

Ah, the choices go on and on. I can do anything I want, that is the problem. I cannot decide on what I want for more than a few days without finding reasons why I should do something else. What I do know is what I don’t want - snow for 8 months and darkness for 6.

So, what is the clarity I seek lying awake at 3 AM contemplating? In true ROUSH fashion plans will change a couple more times in my head before I leave, because I'm still second-guessing myself. It’s a pattern and I do it every time I give up the security of my home and what I know – stepping out of my comfort zone. But change is also when I grow mentally by pushing myself to do something different.

Crazy Broad

It’s the adventure and the thrill of the unknown that drives me; the time I feel most alive. But it also makes me a crazy broad for a couple months leading up to the time I actually leap off the cliff, knowing full-well I will land on my feet. But, what if my west coast energy doesn’t translate in North Carolina? Oh well, I can’t let my fears paralyze me into doing nothing. I have to move on my instincts and go from there. Everything always works out the way it is suppose to and I know the universe will provide what I need to continue on my path; forever a wanderlust.

More than likely I will buy the van in Kenai, rent the house in North Carolina for a year, set up a business to support myself so I can live rent free, come back to Alaska in April and see where it goes from there. Those are my long-term plans and I usually don’t make any plans six months in advance.

Rolling Stones

There you have it, a Commitment. So Alaska, you can stop raining anytime now. I get it; you don’t have to convince me with endless rain and wind. We're out of here for the winter, tumbling down the road like rolling stones - me with five cocker spaniels and a basset hound named DoDog.

And the clarity I seek finally pokes through the fog: all of this seems so incredibly trivial in the big picture called life.